Monday, December 4, 2006

Wal-Mart Photo Center: "Bah Humbug!"

Now that we have a child, we decided to break down and get Christmas cards with the kid's picture to send to everyone this year. So we dressed Jackson up, set him in a little sleigh, propped him up on a TV tray table in front of the Christmas tree, took a bunch of pictures, and sent one to Wal-Mart to get some cards printed.

What an experience that was.

When I get to the photo counter Sunday evening, I give the kid with the floppy blond hair and the conspicuous tongue piercing my name, he searches for my photos, then he tells me that the manager has instructed that they not fulfill my order because the photos look too professional.

I told Slacker McSkaterdude that I was flattered that he thought my pictures looked that good, but that I'd just taken them in my living room the day before. The young man, who despite his appearance took his job very seriously, told me that if I could prove that I took the pictures, he'd let me have them.

I'm not sure exactly the look I gave him, but if the kid could read my face, it was saying "Prove that I took the pictures? You're kidding, right? And the lisp created by the tongue ring combined with your having to peer out at me from behind your bangs makes it hard to take you seriously." Showing admirable self-restraint, I asked Master Shaggy how he expected me to prove my photographic skills. He suggested I bring the camera in and show him the image, and he'd let me have the pictures.

I asked for a manager.

The kid started to get a little offended and I assured him that I wasn't angry at him (except for crimes against fashion) and that I realized that he was just doing his job, but that the whole thing was crazy. He said he understood, and that they've been told that they'll be fired if they let anyone get away with copyright infringement. Then he called Louise Jefferson over to answer my questions.

He explained what was happening and Weezie told me that she wasn't the manager who had flagged the photos, but that she'd be happy to take a look at them. After inspecting one of the cards for a moment, she agreed that I'd have to prove that they weren't professional and handed me one.

Weezie, Shaggy and I huddled around the photo like so many Florida election officials examining hanging chads. Luckily, I noticed that I hadn't cropped out the entire TV tray table, so I pointed it out. Either that was convincing enough, or Weezie was tired of dealing with me, so she finally released my Christmas cards.

You'd think Wal-Mart has more to worry about than keeping me from printing good looking pictures. Maybe I'll have to print blurry or off-center pics next Christmas to avoid the hassle.

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