Tuesday, August 29, 2006

It's that dirty Francona's fault

Dan Kennedy noted this morning that no one is blaming Terry Francona for the Sox collapse, so Nick Cafardo's latest article is unnecessary. Ah, but Dan obviously doesn't read the letters to the editor of the Telegram & Gazette (and in his defense, why would he). If he did, he'd know that all of the Sox troubles are related to Francona's lack of personal hygiene.

The solution for the Red Sox to have a successful season is not in the pitching staff, bullpen or starters. The solution is sitting on the bench with his head and eyes looking at a puddle of tobacco juice, bubble gum saliva and sunflower shells.

Occasionally he washes out his foul mouth and that goes into the contaminated puddle also. Terry Francona's supposed to be looking at his players, not the puddle.

He's got the walking man (second-in-the-league Kevin Youkilis) batting fifth. Who needs a walk when men are in scoring position?

No wonder they ran him out of Philadelphia. Give him his bus ticket and bring in Carlton Fisk before the season is a washout.

Ah yes, when in doubt, call on Carlton Fisk. Fisk is the guy who taught a whole generation of New England children what "a pinch between your cheek and gum" meant through years of commercials for Copenhagen chewing tobacco.

He is the man whose official bio at his speaking agency says "he already had a nickname (Pudge, from his childhood), and a trademark wad of tobacco that bulged inside one cheek." He's the guy to clean up the Sox.

(And I'm aware through a fair amount of googling that Fisk has given up spit tobacco, but still...)

Previous T&G Letters to the Editor:
T&G reader takes on terrorism
Worcester: the San Diego of the East
Is State Senator Barrios a Bush Crony
Rem-Dawg Debate Rages in Worcester
Jerry Remy has "lost all touch with reality"

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